Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Wasp Nest


Wasps create these nests by chewing bark, mixing it with saliva and excreting the resulting paste. What I would really like to do is harness all of this wasp-power into making nests of my own design. Will wasps chew up any bark provided for them? If all the bark available to them was soaked in various colours of paint, would they still chew it? And if so, would the resulting paste retain any of the colour? Most importantly:
COULD I MAKE A TECHNICOLOUR NEST TO DECORATE MY HOME?
These are very important Scientific Questions. And the only way to really satisfy the legions of people that have been asking them is to trap a bunch of wasps and bend them to my will. OK. So the plan is to trap a newly emerged queen in the spring. I will attend to her needs. I will be nice. I'll let her build a nest in my apartment. Hell, I won't even be fussy about the placement of the nest. If it is God's Will that a wasp nest be built inside of my pillow, so be it. I will endure the frequent stings.
But if the TECHNICOLOUR WASP NEST ends up being a GREY HOUSE OF HURT, I will throw those yellow-jacketed motherfuckers to the curb.

4 comments:

  1. forget paint, try coloured construction paper...

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  2. Can we please have a band called "TECHNICOLOUR WASP NEST"?

    Please?

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  3. Thanks, Chelsea. That's a great idea. But how do I get these goddamned wasps out of my bed?

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